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邓高是我的隔门邻居,我们从小一块长大,我时常跟在他身后屁颠屁颠的,别人都说我们是两小无猜,青梅竹马。上大学时却进了不同的学校,虽在一个城市却相隔很远,他依然时常来看我,这时我们的心里都有一种怪怪的感觉,我们知道,应该就是所谓的“初恋”了,甜蜜却不敢承认,又憧憬更好。直到我们大学毕业,他做了一名体育老师,个人和班级经常获奖,而我却到市里的一家贵族幼儿园任教。彼此来往频繁,生活幸福而快乐。本来我们该很快结婚的,可突如其来的厄运打碎了我们的憧憬!

那时邓高正精神百倍地为我们的婚事做准备,并且把婚讯通知了所有在走动的亲友同学。极度兴奋的他时常被同学要求请客,他也是来而不拒。可是有一次中午,他和同事出去喝了少量酒,下午在学校做单杠演示八练习绕杠360度时重重的摔了下来,要命的是下身受了重击,听到这个噩耗我立刻就惊呆了,当时眼泪都流不下来。之后却又痛哭了三天。可这有什么用呢,如果我哭一年能让邓高复原,那我会心甘情愿的付出,可现在,即使我做得再多他也回不到从前!

其实我们恋爱期间,邓高不是没有欲望的,但我始终克制着,我告诉他也告诉我自己,一定要把美好的初夜留到新婚的晚上。还有5天就结婚,可是我却永远失去了和邓高激情缠绵的 机会!那段时间是我们最灰暗的日子,邓高将自己关在学校办公室里,一呆就是一整天,我劝说他去看医生,他朝我怒吼:“你希望所有人都知道你男人是个废物吗?”我沉默了,寂寞地抚摩着自己的身体,不禁泪流满面。我悲哀地想,我的今生难道就这样凄凉地度过吗?不是没有想过离开的,但是面对那个疼爱了我7年的爱人,我怎么开得了口?

接着我班里的张蕊小朋友发烧了,她的母亲在一次意外车祸中丧生,父亲张全是医生,那天有个重要的手术抽不开身,只好委托我替他照顾一下孩子。孩子病好后张全为了表示谢意,请我吃饭。那晚不胜酒力的我连喝了几杯,带着微微的醉意,他想我倒出了一个成功男人的孤独和悲伤,同病相怜的我也倒出了自己的苦水,最好我们忍不住抱头痛哭,晚上他扶着我回家,安顿我休息后,准备离开时不慎被地上的床单绊了一下,身体重重地砸在我的身上,我突然清醒了,他忽然抱着我细蜜的吻就落了下来,我接受了他的吻,那一夜我由女孩变成了女人!发现我是第一次,他激动地说,相爱不是痛苦更不是煎熬,让我给你幸福吧!我心里非常矛盾。

邓高知道了我和张全交往的事,他大发雷霆,对我又打又骂,我知道他忍受不了我的背叛,可我终于没忍住和他顶嘴了,让他不要干涉我的私事!暴怒之下,他竟又一次动手狠狠打了我,当我的头被他揪住重重地磕在茶几上时,我告诉自己,该结束了。张全说得对,爱不是煎熬,更不是孤单地守着痛苦。我和邓高分手了,我应该给自己找到重生,而张全就是我全心全意要爱的那个人!

 


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