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误交损友,婚事差点被他的“flamme(芙兰)”给搅黄了!
        从小,我妈就教育我:交朋友要擦亮眼睛,千万别因为误交坏朋友而受到伤害。我一直觉得我妈这话是骗小孩的,一直没当回事。现在我终于明白了,老一辈的话一定要听!我交的这个家伙就TMD是损友!就是因为他,就是因为他塞给我的那个flamme(芙兰),我差点和我女朋友分手!我靠!老子都买好房子准备结婚了,差点让他给我搅和黄了!
        上个星期二,我们哥几个聚会。两杯黄汤下肚,就开始胡说八道。一个哥们说:“哥几个现在生活滋润啊~千万别把身子搞垮了。快过节了,哥们给大家伙送个礼。”说着,就给我们几个一人塞了一个黑色的小瓶。酒吧里黑灯瞎火的,我也没看清楚那是个啥东西,就塞我包里了。TND,现在想想,我真TMD该看看是个啥东西。
        酒过三巡,时间不早了,大家各自散去,我晃晃悠悠的回了家。一进家门,女朋友正在门口等着我,先是在我身上闻了半天,看没闻出什么别人的香水味儿。然后就在我大衣口袋里摸啊摸的,摸得我心里直痒痒。正当我抱着她准备做点那爱做的事的时候,她一把推开了我,手里拿着那个黑色的小瓶子,在我面前晃着,似笑非笑。
        我难以压制我心头的欲火,再度向女友扑了过去。没想到她一下子闪到一边,冷笑着说:“你行啊,都用上进口货了啊!”进口货?什么进口货?我一头雾水,但是欲火焚身谁还在乎那点玩意。我挪到她身边,整个人在她身上蹭着,每次我这么蹭她,她最后都会和我在床上翻滚一番的。嘿嘿嘿~~~
        可没想到,这次她没有和我上床翻滚,而是大声叫了起来:“你这个混蛋!”,又给了我一巴掌。我一下被打得什么兴致都没有了,欲火也转成了怒火,我也大声的说:“你这个女人,到底要干啥!”
        她一听我放大了嗓门,就开始哭闹:“你要跟哥们聚会,我让你去聚会。你爱玩,我给你空间让你玩。但是你也要玩的有点分寸吧,你玩的都要用壮阳药了!!!这就太过分了吧!你把我当什么?”
         “壮阳药?什么壮阳药?”我怎么不知道有壮阳药?
        女友把手上的小黑瓶冲我砸了过来,我下意识地伸手接住,然后就听见她连哭带闹大喊着:“你手里拿的那个芙兰不就是治疗早泄的男性延时产品,别以为我什么都不懂~”。靠~~现在的女人比男人懂得都多~~我的头嗡的一下子就大了,我靠!那个混蛋,给我塞的什么东西!老子身体好的很,你才早泄,你全家都早泄!!
        我正在不停的咒骂这那个损友,女朋友哭着说:“你身体这么差,现在都需要壮阳药了。我觉得这太恐怖了,好在还没结婚,咱俩掰了算了。”说完就进屋收拾东西了。
        !!!!谁说老子身体不好,老子身体好不好你不是最有发言权吗!
        我赶快冲进房间,不停的给她解释:“那个药不是我的,是我那倒霉哥们给的。我哪知道那是壮阳药啊!”可她一点都不听我的解释,把我往边上一推,边哭边收拾东西。我一看没办法,只能给我那哥们打电话,让他把问题给我解释清楚。
        好说歹说,女友终于相信那药不是我的,也不哭了,一个人把东西放回原地,一言不发地上床睡觉。我伸手碰碰她,却被狠狠的拍开。
        到现在,她已经一个星期不理我了。这是多大的事啊,至于吗?
        还有我那个损友,害的老子差点把媳妇弄丢了!老子跟你绝交。

 


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